Yesterday ended one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. We spent our weekend preparing for Easter, hosting the annual Easter dinner and Egg hunt and enjoying the company of family and friends. Sunday was absolutely beautiful, we went to church then came home and started cooking for the big dinner. The kids had a blast looking for eggs and playing with their aunt, uncles, grandmas and grandpas.
I always wish we could extend such wonderful times and cherish them. I know they are in my memory and the memory of everyone there. I document the heck out of family events with hundreds of photos in fear that I might forget something later. I like looking at old pictures and seeing how much we’ve all changed and remembering what good times we’ve had. There aren’t many pictures of myself, since I tend to be the one with the camera. It brought me to wonder, however, how will my kids remember me? I guess that’s what brings me to the working from home part.
Anyone would think that working from home is great and I’m not trying to say that it isn’t. I love being able to raise my kids and stay with them most of the time. But I wonder sometimes if it is more damaging to them when I am working and not one hundred percent available to them when they may need me. When I work at home, especially if I am under the pressure of strict deadlines, I tend to be more distracted with work and not able to respond to them with my full attention.
When I was growing up my mother always took time out for us and was always able to sit and talk with us. Even while she was doing dishes, cooking, folding laundry or doing any of the other household duties of a mother/homemaker she managed to make us feel as though we were all that mattered. Looking back it was so reassuring that my mom was able to give us her full attention. I remember knowing that I could always talk to my mom about anything at almost anytime. To this day my mom is the one person I know I can go to when I need someone to listen to what I have to say and give reassuring words of encouragement.
I feel that sometimes because of my working from home and the amount of focusing that my work requires the thing that suffers most are my children’s needs. They are well fed and they get plenty of exercise and fresh air, but I feel like I don’t spend enough time with only them, no distractions. I don’t want them to look back and remember a childhood looking at mom’s back and the computer screen always having mom’s attention, with my most famous phrases being: “In a minute,” “Not now,” “After I finish this.”
I cherish my weekends with them. It is a time for just our little family, time to run and play and encourage the wonders of childhood. I am working harder at paying attention to things I do while I am working in regard to their emotional needs from me. No more “in a minute,” “not now” or “after I finish this.” I am blessed to be able to work from home. I am blessed beyond words with two beautiful boys. I need to work harder at the most important job I will ever have; being the best mom I can be to my wonderful boys. Not perfection, I know that can never be achieved, just do my best for them. They deserve my best and work can have the left overs, not the other way around.